So my van broke down. In rural Wales. In peak lockdown. The reason it broke down is because, like an idiot, I've been ignoring a noisy bearing in the drive belt tensioner pulley for quite some time. It was on my "to-do" list. Buuuut I'd been putting it off. Because I'm an idiot. I think I've mentioned before that I own a little plot of mixed pasture/woodland in North Wales, now one thing I probably haven't mentioned before is that this plot of land forms part of a conservation zone in the area, protected due to the prevalence of endagered wildlife, and as such I have a legal responsibility to maintain the plot to a certain standard and not allow it to fall into a state of unkemptness. I'd normally come over here in early Spring to make sure the steam is clear of any fallen debri and that that trees are all still standing, however due to Covid I'd been putting this off, however with no sign of lockdown restrictions being lifted any time soon in Wales, I decided to come over and spend a few days here to take care of a bit of essential groundworks and tree coppicing and whatnot. Now, it is peak lockdown here, there are lots of signs and banners on the roads telling tourists to go home, "Wales is closed", etc, as well as a heavy police presence on the lookout for holidaymakers, so I'd packed more than enough food, water and general supplies to ensure that I didn't have to leave the plot, and not come into contact of anyone during my stay here - and besides, I'm a nomad, I live in my van, this plot is as much home as anywhere really so I have a genuine need and right to be here, but without being nonchalant about the fact that lockdown is very much in full force here. Now, I should also point out and I think it's fair to say, is that this particular area of Wales is a very nationalist area, very traditional in some respects and has the highest rate of native Welsh speakers in Wales (88% apparently), so there's a general anti-English sentiment from some of the locals at the best of times, more so currently due to Covid travel restrictions. Not a good time to be travelling here as an Englishman shall we say. But, needs must. So off I sets, noisy bearing and all. Because I'm an idiot.
Just as I'm coming through the tunnels at Conwy, I hear the belt pulley really screaming away, followed shortly after by the squealing of belt, in the throes of death. Then silence and a red battery symbol on the dash. "I can make it, I'm not stopping". I quickly knocked ofd all electrics, the stereo and fans, side lights etc. I reckon my battery will last out the rest of the drive, it's not far. Of course, I've lost power steering too. Three and half tonne with no power steering and lots of little roundabouts is not especially fun I tell thee, especially when you've got a copper in front of you too and you're trying your damnedest not to draw attention to yourself! But, I made it to my plot and got myself parked up, and set about trying to find a new belt and tension online for delivery ASAP.
One or two slight issues with this. I don't have an address here - it's literally a plot of land and an access track, there is no postal address. There is, however, a café just up the road and I sort of know the owner. So I phoned him and asked if I could have some mail sent there. "Sure no problem". Awesome. Obligatory shout out to my friend Dafydd at Caffin Gerlan on the A487. Legend. Back to the internet, managed to find the parts at a decent price, on a next day delivery. Issue 2: I didn't bring my toolbox. Because I'm an idiot. So I put an SOS call out on the Vanlife groups for the temporary loan of some basic tools, and immediately had half a dozen very kind offers, so thanks to my new friend Sam, I soon had everything I needed. Apart from the parts. This, is where things really started to go from bad to worse.
I placed my order on the 31st of May, with a company called CarParts4Less, who offered next day express delivery for orders placed before 2pm on a Sunday. Lovely, well worth the £5.95 delivery charge to have the essential parts back on my van. Of course they didn't arrive the next day did they. Or the next day. Oh no. TWO WHOLE WEEKS pass by, and I still didn't receive the parts. 14 Earth days of 2 hour+ phonecall queues and getting cut off, 130+ people customer service livechat queues and getting disconnected, ignored Facebook messages, page comments, tags, Twitter tags, various emails written in various tones - I tried, friends tried, everyone tried contacting this tinpot twobit shithouse company trying to speak to an actual human being to ask where the hell my parts were and/or cancel my order so I can buy them elsewhere. Half a month later, the parts EVENTUALLY ARRIVED LIKE A GIFT FROM YE GODS. I'm joking. Did they fuck. They only went and cancelled the order on me didn't they. Of course they did. Without any sort of notification or explanation, they *cancelled* the order. Not refunded me. No. Just, cancelled. AND THEN had to utter cheek to send me a customer satisfaction email entitled "How Did We Do? We'd Love to Hear from You". You just can't make this shit up.
Two weeks of waiting for the parts was mostly spent (amongst lots and lots of walks with my dog) rationing electricity, because my leisure batteries are charged via split-charge. No drive belt = no charge. I have two huge solar panels, a whole 750watts of sunlight absorbing free electricity. But they're not actually attached to my van. They're currently in my friends garage, because I haven't gotten round to fitting them yet. Because... you guessed it; I'm an idiot. The first few days were fine, I do have two decent leisure batteries which held out for a bit, just charging my phone and Wifi etc and being super stringent, but by day 4 or 5 they were pretty much flat so I had to really conserve what I had left. There is something quite cozy about sitting here by candlelight and watching the wildlife go about it's business, but I'm not going to lie, the evenings were getting pretty boring. My friend Natalie took a drive out here one night to jack me up to her car via jumpleads and get me another few days of electricity into my batteries. She also brought me a little bag of essentials to get me by - bread, milk, biscuits, jelly, A SPIDER PLANT, obviously, you know, all the things a boy needs to make it through an unintentional sit-in protest. I did also buy a solar battery pack off Amazon to get me by, so it was Game On with CarParts4Less - I wasn't quitting and was holding out firm for the damn parts I had paid for.
Once CarParts4Less had clarified my position by kindly cancelling my order for me, my very good friend MyMateMat(tm) offered to pick up the parts locally and take an international daytrip out here with them - he had actually offered right at the very start, but I couldn't allow him to take a whole day out of his life to drive out here and back with parts that I thought, in my youthful niavety, that I could just get shipped via the internet. So when that did fall though, he was right over with a box of goodies (and a sandwich, bless him), and ten minutes later thanks to the tools from Sam, I was back in business with lovely lovely electric.
There we are. It's been an emotional few weeks, y'all. Still, there are worse places to find yourself stuck in Lockdown.
This one is dedicated to support networks, the generosity of help from friends and strangers, whom are never overlooked, under appreciated, and I couldn't do this without. Look after each other, y'hear? Oh, and, tell CarParts4Less to eat shit and die. Out.
